a total eclipse of the heart.

i may very well be the most impatient person i know. and i am fully aware that the word "impatient" has a very negative connotation. but today as i was sitting at work, rocking one of my babies to sleep, i was thinking that for ME it hasn't always been a bad thing.  ever since i can remember my dad has told me that if i wanted something, i needed to do something about it. go get it, ASK for it, create it, fix it. you can't just sit there and actually believe that everyone is gonna wait on you hand and foot when you aren't royalty.  and most of the time, the simplest solution to whatever i wanted WAS to just ask.
: classic example: i had gone to a drive through with 2 people and the girl in the driver's seat asked the boy at the window "hey, can i get some of those cinnamon things...for free?" and he stood there dumbfounded for about 2 seconds then started stuttering. to which she replied "what? you gotta ask somebody? well, go ask!" [[all the while, im laughing in the backseat...smh!]] so he asked and we left...with her cinnamon things in a bag. all she had to do was ask.
now back to what i was saying: i was thinking about certain situations ive seen myself in pretty recently. and most of them would not make my dad very proud of me because he knows im a stronger person than that. i know that i was taught that if someone is mistreating me...i need to leave. PERIOD. it doesn't matter if im in a romantic relationship with them, it could be as simple as a friendship...but i leave so that i can go and GET something better. i have to be proactive about the situation. if someone were to stay in a bad relationship for a long time, knowing what i just said, their "prince charming" may eventually come along like a knight in shining armor...but it's her fault that the process took so long. she coulda been single and on the market, spotted by mr. charming and swept off to happily ever after. but no, she decided to stay with prince jerk-much thinking that if she "just loved him enough," he would change. *eye roll* ive seen it all too many times before. even with myself.
once when talking to my dad, i told him "by saying no to others, i am enabling myself to say yes to me...and that's really what's most important in the grand scheme of things." maybe that sounds selfish to you..but it's not. ive realized that you have to love, respect, and truly value yourself (almost to the point of vanity for some) before you can begin to make real progress in other relationships in your life. (speaking of relationships, i plan on writing about dating/marriage and how the point of dating IS/should be marriage...coming soon!) anyways back to what i was saying, you've gotta value YOU before anything else can truly progress, and maybe that sounds cliche. but it's true...im working on it.

yesterday a wise man (very, very wise man-no, not my dad) told me that "whatever you feel in your heart...do it. whether it be a certain kind of relationship, moving to a different place, quitting your job to get a new one, ANYTHING. if you feel it in your heart do it.  you know why i say that? because it's there for a reason. it's in your heart because you are CAPABLE of doing it." then he went on to talk about how if he constantly daydreamed about hong kong and googled pictures of hong kong and dreamed about people speaking chinese around him...that would mean that it was in his heart...that would mean he needed to move to hong kong, and that he was CAPABLE of doing so. but that's not the case, he's happy in san antonio. :p
anyway, i thought that was such great advice. maybe you make decisions based on pure logic. maybe you do follow your heart. i like to think i do both, but i am definitely more emotionally-led. and i feel that there IS a difference between being emotionally-led and following your heart. like when i say "in my heart of hearts, i know this is wrong." yet i continue to do it because my EMOTIONS tell me that it's immediate gratification...or that things will get better.
idk. but i plan on figuring it all out.

follow your heart. <3