you can only date me if you want to marry me.

"The point of dating is marriage."

it's like a 2-edged sword. and it's been a recurring theme lately...ive seen several movies, had multiple conversations, and seen a few different scenarios where dating was the key point and marriage was up next.  i know of a handful of people who would strongly disagree with that ^^^ quote. marriage is the opposite of dating, when you date you're "playing the field," you don't have to "settle down." yet ultimately, how can you get to point B (marriage) without first crossing point A (dating)? they definitely go hand in hand. but if you took every relationship you were ever in with the mindset that you would one day marry that person, things would be a lot different. at least, for me they would. ive only been in 3 defined relationships. one of which was VERY ill-defined, but ill consider it in this circumstance anyway. there have been maybe 2 other "relationships" ...because they weren't defined at all.  and of those 5, i actually pictured myself (long-term...married) to 3 of them. [[2 defined, 1 not defined...just for clarification. lol]] someone once told me that they don't think i view marriage as a sacred bond...or as sacred as it really is because im able to picture myself with people so easily. yet here arises our case in point: if im unable to picture myself marrying you, what on earth am i doing dating you?? the answer: WASTING MY TIME (yours too). and the fact of the matter is, im a long-term type person...as ive mentioned before, a planner. yes, i am completely aware that things may not always go according to planned but i still like to have that COMFORT of knowing what SHOULD come next. 
i feel like a lot of people date because they don't want to be lonely. and i know that there have been times when i have reciprocated attention that was thrown my way for that reason. i don't think many people date because they potentially want to marry whoever it is they're with. i know people whose sole purpose in life is to get married and have kids, others who NEVER want to get married, and then some who believe in marriage but not procreation. ;) (love youu!) i feel like loneliness is ultimately one of the main attributors of dating. today, my dad and i were talking and i told him "i actually enjoy being alone.." and he said "yeahh, it's nice sometimes. but that's because you have a CHOICE." and it's so true! think about the typical "cat lady." she probably settled for cats because she couldnt find a life partner that met her standards, or she just wasn't what other people wanted. part a) she had the choice to settle and be unhappy. part b) she did not have a choice...nobody wanted her...therefore she was lonely and resorted to cats. yeahh, i know..kinda morbid.


but basically, we have the CHOICE of whom we decide to date. we (and i say we as a collective term because im assuming that if youre reading this you're in a free country and your marriage has not been arranged) have the CHOICE of who we marry. we can choose to change our attitude, conform to society's "norm," settle, and be "happy." but ultimately, dating is the point of marriage. and the way ive been haphazardly dating, that has not been my mindset. but things have changed in the past 3 months that have made me see things from a completely different perspective. marriage is definitely sacred, and i understand that with the utmost clarity, and since dating is the means of attaining this bond, i feel like it should be taken a whole lot more seriously.

dating...marriage...my abuelos, 60 years later.

To amplify good feelings, think about all the things you love..

this Christmas, i only asked for 2 things from my family. I ended up getting a lot more (not necessarily material) and i was just so overwhelmed with joy. I can't even begin to explain how blessed I have been. but anyway, one of the 2 things i asked for was a book...The Power by Rhonda Byrne. it's like a sequel to The Secret...which changed my life. and so my brother got this book for me. ive been reading it and i came to the chapter about amplifying good feelings because in so doing, you attract good situations. (you really need to read the book) But basically, this chapter inspired me to make a tangible list of the things i am thankful for. something i can reflect on whenever i need reminding. (which hopefully, shouldn't be very often.) because i know that it is impossible to list every wonderful thing in my life in about 30 minutes, this will be an ongoing blog. and ill just add to it whenever i think of new things. :) but uhh, yeahh...here goes:


the fact that i am ALIVE on December 26, 2010.
my family-unconditional love at it's finest.
genuineness/honesty in people that cross my path.
my JOB.
people who are smart...and understand when i use big words. ;)
anyone who can make me laugh GENUINELY...there's really only about 8 people.
good books.
people who recommend good books.
my ability to make good grades.
that i am able to speak, see, and hear.
a car...that is PAID OFF.
my ability to learn quickly.
being financially stable.
love.
forgiveness.
optimism.
cuddling.
anyone who has ever taught me something.
my ability to communicate effectively.
a HOME.
professional connections.
toddlers.
pre-schoolers.
great customer service!
equality.
independence.
people who recommend music that i have no idea how i lived without hearing before.
classes at the downtown campus...and the parking there!
accomplishing all the things on my to-do list for the day.
the ability to yawn...and take deep breaths. [[you never know what you've got till it's gone.]]
financial abundance.
GIVING.
taking naps in my <3's arms. :)
great parking spots!
burned cds
SLEEP.
chicken fajita w/ guacamole tacos from mama margies
new points of view
shopping by myself.


......to be continued..

out of the abundance of the heart...

right about now im seriously thankful to be ALIVE. im on my lunch break and as i was driving home, i was in an accident. ...i mean, i guess that's what you would call it. the roads are slick. and the past 2 mornings before i went to work i literally said ALOUD to myself "the roads are slick macy, take your time." because i know i have a tendency to drive fast...and yes, sometimes i talk to myself. :p anyway, i just wanted to come home and take care of some stuff before i went back to work. it's mostly MISTY today, the roads don't LOOK slick, but they are. and i could feel it as i was driving and turning. i wasn't going very fast either but i could feel the traction so i pressed on my brakes. which turned out to be a bad idea. at that point, i lost all control of my car. it was such a scary feeling. my car spun around 4x, and it's weird but as i sat in horror i was actually COUNTING. [[i am so weird.]] and when the car finally stopped spinning, i realized i had spun into oncoming traffic and hit the guardrail. had it not been for the guardrail, the thing that would have stopped the spinning would have been the ditch below.  in actuality, i wasn't even going that fast (38 mph) but when i started spinning, it seemed like i started going faster. i feel like it's only by God's grace that i'm even alive to write this blog right now.  ...4x...oncoming traffic...slick roads...ditch...it's also odd that as i was sitting in my car, scared and helpless, i was crying out for help while simultaneously remembering to "turn the steering wheel in the direction of the skid." who would have ever thought that Fikes Driving School would actually come to memory at a time like that? like, im really thankful my parents made me go there. after i had stopped i felt like an idiot, i was just so shocked and dumbfounded i didn't know what to do. my car was in drive but it wasn't moving (keep in mind that im in the middle of oncoming traffic) so i turned on my hazard lights. i put my car in park. then back in drive...nothing. i restarted it and then it finally moved. and i slowly crept into traffic to reattempt to make my way home. what im most thankful for is that im alive really, but secondly, that my parents instilled such values within me. and by that i mean that for as long as i can remember, my dad has always told me "out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." and yes, it's scripture. his favorite example is "when you wake up in the middle of the night and you need to use the restroom but you don't wanna turn on the light...then you stub your toe on the edge of the bed and you say _____! ...well, whatever it is that you say...THAT'S what's in your heart in abundance. if you say 'Jesus!" that's what's in your heart. if you say 'crap!' or some other variant...well, that's what's in your heart in abundance." and so, as i was spinning i was crying out for help, but it wasn't until i stopped that i realized who/what i was calling for. i was just asking for God to make it alright, for God to keep me safe, for God to make it stop. GOD. and He was with me. He definitely heard me. and yeah my car is a TINY bit messed up (and seriously, i mean a tiny bit...there's minimal damage compared to what it COULD HAVE been), but i am so thankful. and it's incredibly reassuring to know that after all the things ive done, and continue to do...how sometimes i don't always live my life the way i should or "walk the walk," I know who I am... and i know who to call on.

facebook's the "greatest," so why the hiatus?

alright, so i decided to do this "hiatus." im hoping it will go over well. i can imagine a few people getting irritated because i havent responded to a text/call/message/post whatever it may be. but the point of this blog is to explain myself. [[something i rarely feel the need to do. but i think more than just myself will benefit from this info, so here goes...]] i was reading an article yesterday and here are a few highlights from it:
"according to a new poll, 1/3 of women who use social media go on facebook the second they wake up.  In addition, we spend hours each day compulsively checking our email, twitter, and more. But busy as we might feel, experts say, we're often not processing much of it; we're just going through the motions-like zombies. And it all takes a toll on our mood, stress level, and relationships. We're never fully engaged in one thing, so we're never really satisfied."


the article suggested spending more time with friends...without your phone. it suggested "unplugging" for 24 hours...only it said NO MEDIA. [[ive recently become addicted to blogging and im expecting really important emails so i couldnt let those 2 go.]] anyway the lack of media enabled people who participated in the study to have longer, deeper conversations with each other. They suggested leaving your phone in your car when you're hanging out with your friends during times like happy hour. i know i've been out with friends and when there's a moment of silence, rather than fill it with conversation i've pulled out my phone and  gotten on facebook or text someone interesting to keep me company. can i get an AMEN? -that's okay, you don't hafta say it. i know im not alone lol 


they had some stuff in there about people with iphones but i was like "blaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh" because it doesn't apply to me. apparently iphones are the cause of a lot of bad stuff even though people think they are just the BUSINESS. smh. 


so basically, im unplugging...at least for 24 hours. my phone is currently facedown, on silent, underneath my bed. im logged out of facebook but i plan to send this to facebook and then do some non-media type things. if i see that you have text/called/messaged me or whatever i will assuredly get back to you. if you leave a voicemail ill probably get back to you sooner though lol. anyway, hope you all have a beautiful day! [[check out my 45 day challenge so far, and/or follow me! :) ---> serendipitous anomaly]]

a total eclipse of the heart.

i may very well be the most impatient person i know. and i am fully aware that the word "impatient" has a very negative connotation. but today as i was sitting at work, rocking one of my babies to sleep, i was thinking that for ME it hasn't always been a bad thing.  ever since i can remember my dad has told me that if i wanted something, i needed to do something about it. go get it, ASK for it, create it, fix it. you can't just sit there and actually believe that everyone is gonna wait on you hand and foot when you aren't royalty.  and most of the time, the simplest solution to whatever i wanted WAS to just ask.
: classic example: i had gone to a drive through with 2 people and the girl in the driver's seat asked the boy at the window "hey, can i get some of those cinnamon things...for free?" and he stood there dumbfounded for about 2 seconds then started stuttering. to which she replied "what? you gotta ask somebody? well, go ask!" [[all the while, im laughing in the backseat...smh!]] so he asked and we left...with her cinnamon things in a bag. all she had to do was ask.
now back to what i was saying: i was thinking about certain situations ive seen myself in pretty recently. and most of them would not make my dad very proud of me because he knows im a stronger person than that. i know that i was taught that if someone is mistreating me...i need to leave. PERIOD. it doesn't matter if im in a romantic relationship with them, it could be as simple as a friendship...but i leave so that i can go and GET something better. i have to be proactive about the situation. if someone were to stay in a bad relationship for a long time, knowing what i just said, their "prince charming" may eventually come along like a knight in shining armor...but it's her fault that the process took so long. she coulda been single and on the market, spotted by mr. charming and swept off to happily ever after. but no, she decided to stay with prince jerk-much thinking that if she "just loved him enough," he would change. *eye roll* ive seen it all too many times before. even with myself.
once when talking to my dad, i told him "by saying no to others, i am enabling myself to say yes to me...and that's really what's most important in the grand scheme of things." maybe that sounds selfish to you..but it's not. ive realized that you have to love, respect, and truly value yourself (almost to the point of vanity for some) before you can begin to make real progress in other relationships in your life. (speaking of relationships, i plan on writing about dating/marriage and how the point of dating IS/should be marriage...coming soon!) anyways back to what i was saying, you've gotta value YOU before anything else can truly progress, and maybe that sounds cliche. but it's true...im working on it.

yesterday a wise man (very, very wise man-no, not my dad) told me that "whatever you feel in your heart...do it. whether it be a certain kind of relationship, moving to a different place, quitting your job to get a new one, ANYTHING. if you feel it in your heart do it.  you know why i say that? because it's there for a reason. it's in your heart because you are CAPABLE of doing it." then he went on to talk about how if he constantly daydreamed about hong kong and googled pictures of hong kong and dreamed about people speaking chinese around him...that would mean that it was in his heart...that would mean he needed to move to hong kong, and that he was CAPABLE of doing so. but that's not the case, he's happy in san antonio. :p
anyway, i thought that was such great advice. maybe you make decisions based on pure logic. maybe you do follow your heart. i like to think i do both, but i am definitely more emotionally-led. and i feel that there IS a difference between being emotionally-led and following your heart. like when i say "in my heart of hearts, i know this is wrong." yet i continue to do it because my EMOTIONS tell me that it's immediate gratification...or that things will get better.
idk. but i plan on figuring it all out.

follow your heart. <3 

come on ride the train, hey ride it!

first of all, i want to explain the title of this blog. "afrispanic barbie" is a play on nicki minaj's "harajuku barbie." 1) i in NO way, shape, or form consider myself a barbie. and 2) afrispanic is a combination of my parents races (or is it ethnicities?) whatever...my mom is spanish and my dad is black. [[yes, i mentioned that in serendipitous anomaly, day 9]]. okay, so now that that's out of the way, im creating this blog for purposes other than the 45 day challenge.
this is my disclaimer...if you wanna call it that. ;) lol a title page, perhaps. 
i already know that im a very opinionated person, if what i say offends you...okay. but i won't apologize for it.
and there we have it! hope you're having a wonderful day...now for more blogging! (this stuff is more addicting than facebook!) :o