--something i wrote a while back and deleted...but felt it should be back up.--
I've never cried at a funeral, ever. While the emotional ups and downs of losing a person are irrevocable, I was told to view funerals as a "homegoing celebration," so, I have. However, there is a difference with the actual DEATH of someone. People die because of selfish decisions, manipulative maneuvers gone wrong, or simply because it was their TIME. In each of these cases, I can say that I am usually an "emotional wreck." [[you may be sitting there thinking, "why on EARTH is she blogging about such a morbid topic? ...where is she going with this? did someone die?" ---and here i find it appropriate to tell you that this entire entry is an extended metaphor that applies to my life and the people who pass through it. :: if you don't know what that means, maybe you should stop here.]]
Over the past 20 years, I've encountered approximately ajillion and 8 people, roughly. Of the ajillion, if you were to ask someone who you suspected knew me fairly well, they'd probably tell you that i'm an "open book," I share everything. Not the case, I share allllll the surface details you could possibly fathom, because at the end of it all...you may end up walking away and i don't want you taking my valuable information with you. So, if you are somehow reading this and we are not friends, and you have ever wondered why it was so easy for me to just "drop" you...that's why. You didn't have anything of value that belonged to me. you were just passing through and i was willing to accept that..
now for the 8 people, i've shared more than surface details with them. some are still living. :) they are so so dear to me. that being said, there are also some who have "died." Prior to this culmination, are some indisputably familiar signs...that's where the emotions come in (on my part), because I realize that this person will not be around for much longer. It's sad, isn't it? Mostly anger...which leads to tears, and frustration because some people are just so set in their ways and refuse to see things from any perspective other than their own. Alas, the inevitable dawns...and I (in these circumstances) am not inclined to give such people a "proper funeral/burial." Which explains the title of this blog, wouldn't you say? [[even if you wouldn't say, I DO and that's what's important..]]
In the past, I used to be immature about these things and speak negatively about the people involved with these situations, even if it was just to my dad. Although, I am well aware of the sentiment, "you shouldn't speak ill of the dead." So, now that a few more cadaverous beings are walking around, I have embraced that sentiment. [[also reading the book THE POWER-by Rhonda Byrne helped a lot! read ittt!]] But, by speaking negatively about someone or someTHING, you can only attract more negativity to your situation. By talking about how much you HATE that person, you're only placing yourself in situations where that person will continue to do things that you hate...which will increase your resentment all the more.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know someone who never failed to remind me that Kanye West wrote his song "Heartless" with me in mind, and maybe you also think I'm heartless after reading this. However, understand that my intention isn't conniving self-interested gain, but rather SELF-IMPROVEMENT. like i said before, if someone "dies," it's because of 1/3 reasons (in some cases all 3), and why would I actively choose to keep someone around who is 1) selfish 2) manipulative or 3) out of time??? I WOULDN'T. And we all (should) know by now that PAST IS PRELUDE. Besides, WITHOUT CHANGE, keeping beings of that nature around will only hinder my personal growth. Whether it's an acquaintance, a friend, a "bestie," a romantic interest, whatever...if im lowering my standards, i absolutely cannot expect the best. So, you can take it personally if i "drop" you...or you can realize that im growing as an individual and just be happy for me. :) if you choose the latter it will definitely work in your favor, thinking positive thoughts attracts positive situations. ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment