A Closer Look at the Destruction--Relationships

PART 2--Macy [[pardon my rambling/straying from the topic!!]]

Women are TERRIBLE DECISION MAKERS:

 In my collegiate experience, most “boys” see an attractive body feature on a female and immediately think "i'd hit it…" or something along those lines.  And maybe they actually do which causes a domino effect.  How?  It COULD cause the female to develop feelings for this guy, which would lead to regret on the guys part, wounded feelings, “broken hearts,” and lies...all over a seeking of selfish and immediate gratification. 
No, relations are not necessarily as upfront with girls.   You don't always “get what you pay for.”  Sure, you may see all the hand-holding and facebook PDA ( -_- gag me), but,  in general, girls are more emotional beings and, as a defense mechanism, choose not to lay all of their trust out on the table like a guy seems to. (GENERALLY). but isn't that supposed to be the point of actually having a relationship, getting to know each other?  TRUST??...the ultimate catalyst for a marriage… (one that would hopefully NOT end in divorce?)

What’s in the Past, is in the Past:

 I agree wholeheartedly with this point because of failed past relationships.  1) being hurt in a previous relationship inevitably impairs one’s ability to trust…but that doesn’t mean that this new person is undeserving of your trust.  At the same time, however, it doesn’t mean that you should throw yourself at him/her expecting him/her to catch you regardless. 
2) You are in NO position whatsoever to judge anyone.  so, forgive people for whatever it was that they did, and BELIEVE that they are making an active attempt to better themselves.  Don’t be so naive that you fall into the same traps as everyone before you did, but trust that your partner is able to succeed…if you won’t believe in them, why are y’all even together??
--Leave the past where it belongs, but keep it in mind so you don’t repeat those same mistakes.

Angry Black Woman Syndrome
ALLLLRRRIIIGGHHHTTT. lol. I’ve got to say that I actually looked it up. :p not a CLINICAL diagnosis or anything, but here are 5 signs you may be one: 1) you’re constantly urged to seek therapy (or Jesus).  2) You’re a hater.  3) You aren’t being asked why you’re single.  4) You’re never satisfied.  5) You’re [angry] right now.
LOL- well, as far as DeMarcus’ blogging goes, I can understand how intolerance towards a father figure can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  The power of words is IMMENSE and not enough people realize that.  If someone is consistently hearing negative things, they tend to subconsciously act on those assumptions of their behavior.  By saying that, I mean that an angry Black woman who constantly bashes her husband in front of her daughter (or son for that matter) may cause the father to cheat, lie, or steal…just to fulfill what the mother already believes.  This would then cause the daughter to be more inclined to believe that all men are like that (since a daughter looks up to her father as her hero), and a son would grow to believe that that was the way a REAL MAN was supposed to act.
Daddy always said, “Don’t go to bed angry..”  Well, Don’t wake up angry either!  You’re projecting that anger onto EVERYONE you come in contact with. [[GEEZ. stay in your room and watch a funny movie.]]

Girls Influence Girls
Okay, I’ll admit it.  I’ve gone to my “girlfriends” and asked for advice on guy situations…well, that advice never was the “right” advice because they were NEVER in my position.  BUT! it seemed right at the time…so I kept on doin’ it.  I dated this guy once who said, “a relationship’s worst enemy is your girlfriend’s single best- friend.” lol  he would always say it was because she’d feed lines about what a bad guy he was and how he wasn’t deserving, etc. etc… and honestly…she was RIGHT about that. but the truth of the matter is, bringing other people into your relationships for “advice” is just an excuse to vent or gossip.  go see a counselor or get a journal.  Your girlfriends may tell you that his actions mean one thing [[like he really DOES love you!]] when in reality, he just felt like offering to pay for your movie theater snacks that day.
--don’t read too far into things.

Girls like to Argue
Alright, I’m gonna use the common case of arguing for a minute: LAWYERS. and in fact, in 2000, 73% men and only 27% of women were lawyers.  let’s say they ONLY chose it because they make more money and like to ARGUE…CASE CLOSED!!
But really, I think that it seems that girls argue more because they are generally more verbal beings.  Guys think things through and act on them.  When a girl goes shopping, she may want the opinion of several others before buying…whereas a guy is more likely to pick something up and go.  LESS TALKING.  The less talking you do, the less likely you are to spark up a controversial conversation with someone.
Girls are known for being chatty…people have different views…people like to be heard…àthey argue.

Independent Movement

Oh brother.  I really wish this wasn’t on the list.  After reading his section, I’m slightly confused but I’m just going to say what I feel it means to me.  [[I actually just blogged about this like 2 weeks ago so half of me feels like being lazy and copying& pasting]]. 
anyway, I’ve learned that I am on the verge of being TOO independent.  and yes, there is such a thing.  I truly do appreciate chivalry, it’s not dead.  but, I am perfectly capable of doing things on my own.  For instance, I can change my own tire, fix things in the engine part of my car, pay my own bills, my car is paid off, I have my own washer/dryer lol, idk what else but I’m a gosh-darn GROWN-UP!  Rarely will I ask a man for help…1) because I’m stubborn and want to do it on my own, 2) because I feel like that’s regressive…men have been doing things this whole time…which is why we live in such a chauvinistic society-women weren’t given an opportunity until they sought it.  I just want it to be known that I am capable.  However, I LOVE when a man is willing to TEACH me something rather than DO something for me. [[what can I say, I’m a nerd, I love to learn.]] ;)

Anyway, I’m not saying, “I’m so independent, I don’t need a man, I can do bad all by myself!” …even though that’s probably true, but I know when to let go.
--Create and internalize that balance.

Public Enemy #1: Black Woman "The Perspective of a Tired Black Man"

PART 1 [[FYI, title=alllll DeMarcus]]

As most everyone who is reading this knows (or at least SHOULD know) by now, I have the utmost respect for people who are able to present novel ideas in an intelligent manner.  Meaning, even if your opinion differs from mine, i can accept that, but that you will also hear me out and we won't necessarily ARGUE about it. [[maybe that wording is off...but in my head it makes sense...oh well..]]

--anyway, the other day, i had an intelligent conversation with one of those people, DeMarcus...pretty good guy :)  He said that Texas has the highest rate of divorce. (I wasn't aware of that so I welcomed this new knowledge...even though it seemed odd to me that he wants to raise his family here...but that's another story..). But then, he had the NERVE to say that 60% of those divorces are because the women are at fault.  yes, i bolded and underlined that.  i was shocked because we commonly hear about "dead-beat dads, men and their cheating ways, no-good men, etc.." but at the other end of the spectrum, we have single, hard-working mothers.  So, for him to put the majority of the blame on the women was slightly disturbing.

--To top it off, he had a LIST in his bag with the reasons why he felt this way AND supporting evidence for each...hence my rebuttal.  lol SOOO, we'll go through them all, his argument first, and then mine.  [[since I realized it would be waaaaaay too long to put both on the same blog, I'm going to write his out first, then do my response on a separate entry.]]

FROM THIS POINT ON, THESE ARE DEMARCUS' VIEWPOINTS AND ELABORATIONS. 
[[DeMarcus, after I reread it, I realized that most of that was all you, not too much of my words..!]] 

1) Women are Terrible Decision Makers

Women tend to see an attractive guy and immediately think that he could be "the one."  yet they fail to realize that what they see is what they get.  like, "you get what you pay for."  Girls, too often, try to "change" guys.  Say, for example, Rupert had a reputation for cheating.  LaToya really liked Rupert and he was super cute so she "chose" him under the impression that she was woman enough to stop his cheating ways.  FALSE.
Rupert is SET.

2) What's in the Past, is in the Past.

If a past relationship hurt you beforet, don't bring that same pain to your new relationship.  Not all guys are the same.  You have to give someone a chance to prove that they are different or else by assuming that they're all the same, you'll always have this wall up that will prevent any type of successful relationship at all.
--Love is a Risk.

3: "Angry Black Woman Syndrome"

(It made me laugh because he was quick to make sure I didn't take offense since that's what a psychologist called it. lol)
Anyway, mothers are notorious for passing on their outlooks on life to their (very) impressionable daughters.  For example, hearing consistent male bashing such as, "yo daddy ain't shit," may cause the daughter to believe that.  Due to this constant verbal bashing, the girl grows up to believe all males are the same and it will therefore inhibit the success of her future relationships with men.  DeMarcus claims that marital issues should be kept away from the children, don't bring them into it.  When you do, you're causing the child to choose sides and, primarily, taking away from the girl's impression of her daddy being a great husband/father.

--Don't teach your male-directed ANGER to your daughter.

4. Girls Influence Girls

Girls are always telling each other what's going on in their relationships and how to "decode" certain behaviors your man may have.
DeMarcus maintains, "if a guy leaves his sock on the couch, it's just a forgotten sock!!  There's no need for a girl to call her girlfriend and tell her so that she can hear, 'ooo girl, that means he does not respect you.' when in reality,  it's just a forgotten sock!"  Extra issues like these can be completely avoided if you keep your personal business to yourself and your significant other.

--Relationships are meant to be MONOGAMOUS.

5. Girls Like To Argue

Girls always want to have the last word in an argument.  They seldom like to admit defeat and it seems as if they enjoy hearing themselves talk. Furthermore, women (specifically Black) generally do not believe in a serene relationship; perhaps it is much insipid for them. The notion that arguments deliver some form of strength (sinew) to a relationship is idiotic! 

---Harmony > Discordance

6. Independent Movement

Allow me to begin by saying that if you're an undoubtedly single lady this is not for you. I commend you on your self-dependence. Now to all you beautiful, self-aware, INDEPENDENT women who are involved i.e. talking, dating, or exclusive with one, stop this NOW! Men dote on the essence of your independence (assuming you truly are) not necessarily the examples of it. For instance, if a guy offers to pay for something you wanted, this can be as little as frozen yogurt or as big as your wallet can stretch,  do not decline with haughty eyes (pridefully). You do not have to prove just how much of a "big-girl" you are. After all you are a WOMAN right? Independence should go unnoticed for the most part. It should be a ration of who you are not what you are. Allow a gentleman to be a gentleman but at the same instance do not expect me to hold the door open each time you pass. In closing, I'd like to revert back to my single self-dependent ladies for a few last words. Albeit in actuality these words are as much for you as they are to  those who are involved simply because you typically are the ones that turn out to have these issues beyond the bounds of single life. 

--- relationships are INTERdependent.

you can call it a 6th sense, but they're only dead to me.

--something i wrote a while back and deleted...but felt it should be back up.--

I've never cried at a funeral, ever.  While the emotional ups and downs of losing a person are irrevocable, I was told to view funerals as a "homegoing celebration," so, I have.  However, there is a difference with the actual DEATH of someone.  People die because of selfish decisions, manipulative maneuvers gone wrong, or simply because it was their TIME.  In each of these cases, I can say that I am usually an "emotional wreck."  [[you may be sitting there thinking, "why on EARTH is she blogging about such a morbid topic? ...where is she going with this? did someone die?" ---and here i find it appropriate to tell you that this entire entry is an extended metaphor that applies to my life and the people who pass through it.  :: if you don't know what that means, maybe you should stop here.]]

Over the past 20 years, I've encountered approximately ajillion and 8 people, roughly.  Of the ajillion, if you were to ask someone who you suspected knew me fairly well, they'd probably tell you that i'm an "open book," I share everything.  Not the case, I share allllll the surface details you could possibly fathom, because at the end of it all...you may end up walking away and i don't want you taking my valuable information with you.  So, if you are somehow reading this and we are not friends, and you have ever wondered why it was so easy for me to just "drop" you...that's why.  You didn't have anything of value that belonged to me.  you were just passing through and i was willing to accept that..

now for the 8 people, i've shared more than surface details with them.  some are still living. :) they are so so dear to me.  that being said, there are also some who have "died."  Prior to this culmination, are some indisputably familiar signs...that's where the emotions come in (on my part), because I realize that this person will not be around for much longer.  It's sad, isn't it?  Mostly anger...which leads to tears, and frustration because some people are just so set in their ways and refuse to see things from any perspective other than their own.  Alas, the inevitable dawns...and I (in these circumstances) am not inclined to give such people a "proper funeral/burial."  Which explains the title of this blog, wouldn't you say?  [[even if you wouldn't say, I DO and that's what's important..]] 

In the past, I used to be immature about these things and speak negatively about the people involved with these situations, even if it was just to my dad.  Although, I am well aware of the sentiment, "you shouldn't speak ill of the dead."  So, now that a few more cadaverous beings are walking around, I have embraced that sentiment.  [[also reading the book THE POWER-by Rhonda Byrne helped a lot! read ittt!]] But, by speaking negatively about someone or someTHING, you can only attract more negativity to your situation.  By talking about how much you HATE that person, you're only placing yourself in situations where that person will continue to do things that you hate...which will increase your resentment all the more. 

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I know someone who never failed to remind me that Kanye West wrote his song "Heartless" with me in mind, and maybe you also think I'm heartless after reading this.  However, understand that my intention isn't conniving self-interested gain, but rather SELF-IMPROVEMENT.  like i said before, if someone "dies," it's because of 1/3 reasons (in some cases all 3), and why would I actively choose to keep someone around who is 1) selfish 2) manipulative or 3) out of time??? I WOULDN'T.  And we all (should) know by now that PAST IS PRELUDE. Besides, WITHOUT CHANGE, keeping beings of that nature around will only hinder my personal growth.  Whether it's an acquaintance, a friend, a "bestie," a romantic interest, whatever...if im lowering my standards, i absolutely cannot expect the best. So, you can take it personally if i "drop" you...or you can realize that im growing as an individual and just be happy for me. :) if you choose the latter it will definitely work in your favor, thinking positive thoughts attracts positive situations. ;)

Independent to a Fault:

..something I realized about myself about 2 months ago.  Independence is indefinitely subjective, as are most personality traits, but I'm sure a vast majority of people can agree that to be independent means diligence, responsibility, and self-reliance.  I think I've OVER-mastered those, to the point that I don't rely on people now at all.  My dad always encouraged us to do things on our own and I fully internalized that.

I've learned that MAYBE 1 out of every 8 people are truly who they claim to be.  I've also learned that I hate wasting my time.  Therefore, I don't indulge in very many "friendships" because being vulnerable/confiding in others has rarely (if ever) resulted in a positive outcome.  Of course, I'll rely on my parents, but anyone else?  Not really.  First of all, most of the people my age do not know the meaning of responsibility:  paying your own bills, working hard, and proactively preparing for the future.  I know that if someone isn't on the same mental path as me, I'm wasting my time.  PERIOD.  If I'm constantly striving for excellence and my "friends" or "significant other(s)" have been stagnant, that's dead weight; only good for one thing:  SLOWING ME DOWN.

I think I just attract those kind of people, though.  Like, maybe all this psychology stuff and analyzing attracts people with issues...?? --which is not to say that I'm excluded from that group by any means, lol.  I can honestly say that of the 400+ friends/acquaintances I've had, I've only relied on 7 of them, and yes, I actually counted. [[that's 1.75%!!!!]]  3 of those are childhood friends.
I strongly believe that as people age, they (inevitably) become more corrupted and a large portion of those people haven't been equipped with the proper tactics to handle such adversity.


I honestly think that some of my most recent encounters have been incredible wastes of time, but simultaneously huge learning experiences that further reinforced my already steadfast independence.  ...and I know that independence "won't keep me warm at night," but it WILL allow me to afford to put the heat on full blast and buy all the blankets I need.

ain't it funny how time brings about a change?

--this was taken from my facebook page...and edited QUITE a bit to fit the 2011 Macy ;) [[plus i deleted it from my facebook]]


Ten Things I Would Say to Ten Different People. (but don't say their name)

[[one]]
--two-- 
[[three]]
--four--
[[five]] 
--six--
[[seven]] 
--eight--
[[nine]] 
--ten--

Nine things about myself.
--one-- i have a super loud laugh, so don't be surprised when you actually hear it.
[[two]] i live like a youthful grandma :p lol
--three-- i am easily amused. :)
[[four]] i frequently question authority when things don't make sense to me...im incredibly outspoken.
--five-- i get what i want.
[[six]] i hate the rain, it messes up my hair. and it's super dangerous to drive in!
--seven-- im a giver. really and truly.
[[eight]] super independent and overly protective of those that i love.
--nine-- my favorite color is fuchsia :)

Eight ways to win my heart.
[[one]] Love God.
--two--respect my opinion.
[[three]] teach me something new.
--four-- introduce me to new things...places...ideas...people...food. :)
[[five]] carry a conversation...and make me laugh. the genuinely LOUD laugh that i mentioned ^^ up there. ;) [[so far there are only about 8 people that can GENUINELY make me laugh, and yes, i counted.]]
--six--stand up for what you believe in and don't be afraid to go against what i say. im always up for a challenge. just don't take it too far, i HATE arguing.
[[seven]] don't buy me expensive gifts. really. id prefer a handwritten sentimental card over expensive jewelry ANYDAY. [[btw, i don't like wearing gold! :o im a silver type of girl. ;) ]]
--eight-- appreciate me. it seems like i shouldn't have to say that, but i rarely see it...and when i do, it definitely softens my heart. :)

Seven things that cross my mind a lot.
[[one]] be positive.
--two-- my babies!
[[three]] relationships.
--four-- my career.
[[five]] plans for the week.
--six-- my proposal
[[seven]] ways to execute self-improvement tactics


Six things I do before I fall asleep
[[one]] text or read. :)
--two--check my email.
[[three]] shower.
--four-- make sure the bathroom door and closet doors are completely closed
[[five]] do-rag! [[if my hair is straight]] lol
--six-- make sure my alarm is set. 


Five things you're wearing right now.
[[one]] an undershirt
--two-- my black coach shoes
[[three]] long sleeved pink shirt.
--four-- jeans.
[[five]] my rings <3

Four websites you visit often.
[[one]] mail.yahoo.com
--two-- school email.
[[three]] amazon.com
--four-- dictionary.com

Three things you want to do before you die.
[[one]] travel.
--two-- go hot air ballooning with someone i love.
[[three]] have 3 kids, 1st a girl, 2nd a boy, 3rd a girl. :) 

Two confessions.
[[one]] you'll only see me in a committed relationship if i can see myself marrying that person.  time is precious, dont waste mine, i don't plan on wasting yours.
--two-- im rude. i don't need reminding because i already know. and yes, i am working on it. im not so prideful that i won't apologize for hurting your feelings if i was wrong. but for the most part, im just blatantly honest and people misinterpret how i meant something...like, something's lost in communication. although, i am to blame 89% of the time.


One regret.
i used to say i had ONE regret. but not anymore. ive been able to use everything ive gone through as a learning lesson. and my dad always asked us "well what'd you learn from that?!" if we said "...nothing..." he'd tell us "well, you gone do it again then!" and he was right. i hate repeating mistakes and i really try to learn from them all. TRY. no regrets. 2011. :)

you can only date me if you want to marry me.

"The point of dating is marriage."

it's like a 2-edged sword. and it's been a recurring theme lately...ive seen several movies, had multiple conversations, and seen a few different scenarios where dating was the key point and marriage was up next.  i know of a handful of people who would strongly disagree with that ^^^ quote. marriage is the opposite of dating, when you date you're "playing the field," you don't have to "settle down." yet ultimately, how can you get to point B (marriage) without first crossing point A (dating)? they definitely go hand in hand. but if you took every relationship you were ever in with the mindset that you would one day marry that person, things would be a lot different. at least, for me they would. ive only been in 3 defined relationships. one of which was VERY ill-defined, but ill consider it in this circumstance anyway. there have been maybe 2 other "relationships" ...because they weren't defined at all.  and of those 5, i actually pictured myself (long-term...married) to 3 of them. [[2 defined, 1 not defined...just for clarification. lol]] someone once told me that they don't think i view marriage as a sacred bond...or as sacred as it really is because im able to picture myself with people so easily. yet here arises our case in point: if im unable to picture myself marrying you, what on earth am i doing dating you?? the answer: WASTING MY TIME (yours too). and the fact of the matter is, im a long-term type person...as ive mentioned before, a planner. yes, i am completely aware that things may not always go according to planned but i still like to have that COMFORT of knowing what SHOULD come next. 
i feel like a lot of people date because they don't want to be lonely. and i know that there have been times when i have reciprocated attention that was thrown my way for that reason. i don't think many people date because they potentially want to marry whoever it is they're with. i know people whose sole purpose in life is to get married and have kids, others who NEVER want to get married, and then some who believe in marriage but not procreation. ;) (love youu!) i feel like loneliness is ultimately one of the main attributors of dating. today, my dad and i were talking and i told him "i actually enjoy being alone.." and he said "yeahh, it's nice sometimes. but that's because you have a CHOICE." and it's so true! think about the typical "cat lady." she probably settled for cats because she couldnt find a life partner that met her standards, or she just wasn't what other people wanted. part a) she had the choice to settle and be unhappy. part b) she did not have a choice...nobody wanted her...therefore she was lonely and resorted to cats. yeahh, i know..kinda morbid.


but basically, we have the CHOICE of whom we decide to date. we (and i say we as a collective term because im assuming that if youre reading this you're in a free country and your marriage has not been arranged) have the CHOICE of who we marry. we can choose to change our attitude, conform to society's "norm," settle, and be "happy." but ultimately, dating is the point of marriage. and the way ive been haphazardly dating, that has not been my mindset. but things have changed in the past 3 months that have made me see things from a completely different perspective. marriage is definitely sacred, and i understand that with the utmost clarity, and since dating is the means of attaining this bond, i feel like it should be taken a whole lot more seriously.

dating...marriage...my abuelos, 60 years later.

To amplify good feelings, think about all the things you love..

this Christmas, i only asked for 2 things from my family. I ended up getting a lot more (not necessarily material) and i was just so overwhelmed with joy. I can't even begin to explain how blessed I have been. but anyway, one of the 2 things i asked for was a book...The Power by Rhonda Byrne. it's like a sequel to The Secret...which changed my life. and so my brother got this book for me. ive been reading it and i came to the chapter about amplifying good feelings because in so doing, you attract good situations. (you really need to read the book) But basically, this chapter inspired me to make a tangible list of the things i am thankful for. something i can reflect on whenever i need reminding. (which hopefully, shouldn't be very often.) because i know that it is impossible to list every wonderful thing in my life in about 30 minutes, this will be an ongoing blog. and ill just add to it whenever i think of new things. :) but uhh, yeahh...here goes:


the fact that i am ALIVE on December 26, 2010.
my family-unconditional love at it's finest.
genuineness/honesty in people that cross my path.
my JOB.
people who are smart...and understand when i use big words. ;)
anyone who can make me laugh GENUINELY...there's really only about 8 people.
good books.
people who recommend good books.
my ability to make good grades.
that i am able to speak, see, and hear.
a car...that is PAID OFF.
my ability to learn quickly.
being financially stable.
love.
forgiveness.
optimism.
cuddling.
anyone who has ever taught me something.
my ability to communicate effectively.
a HOME.
professional connections.
toddlers.
pre-schoolers.
great customer service!
equality.
independence.
people who recommend music that i have no idea how i lived without hearing before.
classes at the downtown campus...and the parking there!
accomplishing all the things on my to-do list for the day.
the ability to yawn...and take deep breaths. [[you never know what you've got till it's gone.]]
financial abundance.
GIVING.
taking naps in my <3's arms. :)
great parking spots!
burned cds
SLEEP.
chicken fajita w/ guacamole tacos from mama margies
new points of view
shopping by myself.


......to be continued..